Why I really decided to start a Blog.
I have 4 real reasons why I started this blog listed below and one fakish reason I usually tell when asked.
The disingenuous one is that it keeps me motivated/honest with myself on my quest for FIRE. I have seen that reason floating around the blogosphere plenty and it sounded mostly true for me as well, so that is the one I usually volunteer.
Here are what I suspect are the Four more personal REAL DEAL HOLYFIELD reasons I started a Blog.
First, to feel alive. I am somewhat insecure about my accomplishments to date. Don’t get me wrong, I have achieved much and am proud of how far I have come. Especially in light of WHERE I came from. But, I also am quite the narcissist, bordering on delusional in what I fantasized I would achieve by now. Compared to that guy, I am “but a Slug in The Sun, an Ant in the Afterbirth, privy to a great becoming yet I recognize Nothing.” –Francis Dolarhyde
Even as a young man I never felt whole unless I was writing or creating; stories, websites, poetry, zines, etc.
I think all of this was part of my strong pull to leave some sort of legacy behind me when I am gone. To push back against the notion that when we die there is nothing else. To be remembered.
Secondly, I have borderline OCD. I am truly hoping that OthalaFehu is not just a phase, but in retrospect, I do tend to over commit to some Task de Jure and abandon it somewhere down the road. Not that I leave it unfinished, I tie up the loose ends, that is not what I mean. It’s just I tend to step back from the thing, congratulate myself on a job well done, and then close the book on that particular chapter.
I think it stems from an insecurity that this will all go south. All the sudden, I pause, realize things have been going well for awhile and would prefer to end it before the other shoe has a chance to drop.
Third, I have survived many personal dark spots by clinging to the belief that I am somehow special. The last refuge of the invisible. My confidence and arrogance are hard earned and well deserved if I don’t say so myself. At the heart of this rant is the fear all of us disciples of the young Narcissus are terrified of….We are not that special.
Please keep those comments coming 🙂
Lastly, humans are a social animal. I want to share my thoughts, hopes, and dreams. Plenty of people in my life don’t care about the things I care about and that is lonely. I like our sense of community about our common interests. If anything I would share more, but politics and religion don’t mix well with personal finance. Besides you might be freaked out by my politics and my religion 🙂
Thanks for the Outlet, and letting me wax philosophical about my Blogging Motivation . I think I am trying to stave off that blogger burnout I have reading so much about of late.