Chapter 9; Kindred Or Kagonesti?

It can be very lonely to be a pagan. There are groups (kindreds), out there, but I suspect the majority of heathens practice alone.

I do have my children, but their participation is spotty and my wife has no patience for religion or gods after her falling out with Catholicism.

I have often contemplated finding some others out there in the ether, but always pull back in the end.

BTW Kagonesti refers to a secluded wood dwelling race of Elves from Dungeons and Dragons. I use this to mean loner types who prefer to practice solo.

My hesitation with communal practice is threefold;

I have had my fill of camaraderie from the days of my youth when the religion was secondary to the politics. And by politics I mean the far right kind. Those days were reckless and dangerous and not where I would want to find myself as a 45 year old father of 2 with a dad bod and a mortgage. I drifted away from the politics, but shored up my commitment to the religion. I do not wish to navigate those old mine fields again.

Reason #2. Ask 100 pagans to define their beliefs and get 99 answers. How would you ever find a kindred that was a perfect fit? You could not and probably should not want to anyway. We grow and learn from each other right? But my personal set of beliefs is getting complex and unorthodox even for heathenism. It is more of a “amorphous Pan Indo-European with a heavy Nordic bend” type of thing. I spent long enough in my high school days trying to not be a poser in the punk rock scene, I have no desire to justify myself to others. Conformity is both a desire and a fear of mine, go figure, it is complicated.

Lastly, fucking bunch of weirdos out there last time I checked. Sorry, but if you come at me with some crystals I am going to laugh at you. I can be a dick that way. At the other end, I am not ok with people in this for the aesthetic. We are not all going to Valhalla bro.

I fantasize about winning the lottery and setting up a planned kindred community of my own design. But personally I do not know if I could ever give up enough of my control freak nature to be a good member of a kindred community where I cared so much about the parameters.

I am ready to dip my toes into the community pool, maybe an Amon Amarth show next time they are in town?

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