I Used to Be The Google

No all posts have to be long, not all posts have to be worthy, or even accurate.

Sometimes you just want to lament the bygone days of a different era. (before the information age)

I am actually probable only a little bit smarter than the average Joe, but you know what, people think I am pretty smart. Because why? Because I think about things that most people don’t bother thinking about. Not better things mind you, just different ones.

My brain works a little bit differently than the rest of us.

I will give you an example. During an economics class we were discussing alternatives to tariffs in order to stimulate domestic car sales. I said that Ford & GM should pay crazy people to just ride around on public buses all day long so that normal people on the bus will wish ‘God, I need to get a car, I hate riding the bus’. See, not better thinking, just different.

This criminogenic thinking has always entertained my friends and unnerved my colleagues.

Add to that the sheer depths of my nerdom, ( I have a BlasTech DL-44 tattooed on my thigh) and I have accumulated a warehouse of useless information not readily available to the more pacified mainline citizens of our great country.

The ONLY practical use for this great life’s endeavor was to be the Guy people went to when they did not know the answer to some question (arcane or asinine) or to settle a hot debate.

ENTER the internet and alas I am obsolete overnight.

It might be the Rise of the Information Age but it is the Death of the ‘Why Do You Know That’ Age and I for one shall weep for its passing.

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”


6 thoughts on “I Used to Be The Google

  1. You are def a smart dude. I can tell by the way you hustle for your blog and have been able to accomplish so much in 1 year. I have to pick your brain 🙂

  2. Haha, this post had me laughing. Thanks for the great idea on a Friday morning. You’re right, Google has killed the fact knowing obsession. On the other hand you do need to know something so that you can determine if what you are reading is true. And you need an internet connection. So I think it still pays to know some facts, just not the useless kind 🙂

  3. Was catching up on rockstar finance posts and saw your quote about buses and had to click through…so funny. I love that second level type thinking myself and having ridden a bus, I feel the car companies might not need to pay anyone to be crazy…sadly.

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